I’m not joking when I say that my mood was crazy. At times I thought I was going crazy. I was doing things so recklessly that when I look back at them I feel embarrassed. I was doing things without thinking about them, I was reckless with money, sex, and thought at times I was going to be rich and famous.
These mood swings made me use drugs and drink excessively. When I was depressed I used cocaine and pain pills. When I couldn’t sleep I was mix pain pills, klonopin, and drink. When I was nervous about something I would drink even in the day! I was a mess.
I saw so many psychiatrists that I thought no one could help me until my family doctor referred me to the Insynergy program. He told me that it was a program that was more up to date with addiction and boy I felt they were.
I was detoxed at home with the help of my family to make sure I took the right meds. Then I was told that my psych meds that I was taking may have been actually making my moods worse and that I might not have regular depression and anxiety but bipolar! I was totally against accepting this but I liked the fact that I was told to taper down on my antidepressants (I was on 3) and start some new meds that helped stabilize my mood. And it worked!
I don’t feel as CRAZZZYY anymore. I still have some ups and downs but I can’t believe how much better I feel. And I always knew that I had ADHD and everybody told me that I had it but no one wanted to take a chance in treating me even though I told them that I took some meds from my friends that helped me alot!? (maybe that’s why they didn’t want to treat me?) But in the end I was treated finally and since I was supervised carefully 3-4 times a week at the program, it gave me a chance to show doctors that I really do well on ADHD meds.
I think I have a long way to go but this has been the best I’ve been in years. I take alot of meds now but for sure they don’t make me worse like they did before. I finally got a good recipe now. I take meds for my mood, ADHD, and vivitrol monthly to protect me from drinking or doing heroin. I’m OK with this now. I’m ‘starting to feel normal again and my family has noticed. They thought I would never get better.